This morning I woke up excited to get to bottle feed Bennet again. It was so wonderful getting to be a mommy and satisfy my baby. I got dressed, ate breakfast and loaded up in the wheelchair. I collected my giant Bag O Milk I had pumped for him amongst praise from the nurses and went to NICU. They wouldn't let us in. The unit B they just moved him to with the other cardiac babies was in lockdown for a surgery. I was beyond sad. Good thing I started on drugs already.
We wheeled back silently to our room when I crawled into bed and slept. Woke up and Jeremy said they had called and it was back open so without ordering lunch we ran back over with more milk. I had missed the 12 feeding but would be there for the 3:00 bottle. We pulled up to his bad and there were several people around and they started in giving us info. His o2 stats had dropped overnight, the cardiology team met and decided to do the balloon septostomy today, like now. So no more feeds, he would be intubated, sedated and oh yes, by the way, his switch surgery is Thursday. I sat for a minutes while she continued talking and I had to stop her.... wait, Thursday? big surgery, not next week? ok. ok.
Things started to fly then. Dr's in and out, informed consent forms that Jeremy signed after we discussed all the things that could go wrong. She had a great sales pitch though that she was a perfectionist and didn't allow things to "happen". I like that. More Drs. more equipment. A portable X-ray machine, a rolling table of sterile tools, I sat back in my wheelchair and watched to see how much I could take. I watched the nasal Versed slowly calm him down and make him restful. I took pictures constantly. Of the Drs, of my baby, of the overwhelming machines. I wanted to remember it all.
After they intubated his limp little body Jeremy wheeled me out and I started to feel the waves crashing over me. We went back to my room and right back into bed. Ordered lunch this time since it was 4. Jeremy went downstairs to get pizza delivered and I had a salad. Shortly after we ate the phone rang and they said they stopped the procedure. This was news to me since they had seemed pretty darn committed when we left.
We were to meet with the cardiologist at 6 so jeremy rested and I sat and then we went. Arriving there Bennet was still intubated but resting very quietly for the first time. My poor guy. When they intubated him his O2 stats went up from lower 70's to upper 70's and then Dr Fraser came in early from his surgery to watch and said he would be fine on those numbers until he did the surgery on Thursday. I'm glad. Maybe tearing a hole in my babies heart would have helped, but it would mean another repair Thursday and longer with his heart stopped.
We sat and just stared at him for awhile sleeping. We will meet Dr Fraser later today I think and Thursday most likely my baby will have his heart changed. I'm falling alseep now. More tomorrow. almost there..
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